Face Off
If I had to name this chapter of my life, I would call it Face Off. I sit across from the lady virtually each week and in our most recent session she told me, as tears streamed down my face, that ~”your life has always been this much of a mess, but now you’re finally looking at it”. While hard to hear, it was and is the truth. I have spent so much of my life finding external people and projects to work on instead of facing me and my stuff. Now I’m sitting with my bare self and the stark realities of my life and figuring out what I want to do. As it turns out, I’m the only person other than Christ (who already did His part) who’s going to come save me.
I’ve been so scared to blog, again. I’ve been scared to say the things I’m really thinking and feeling for a few different reasons – some more logical than others. I don’t want to hurt the people that I love and who I know love me. I also don’t want to ruin my chances at my non-existent political or corporate careers. Mostly though, I’m afraid that deep deep down something about the ways I think and feel and am are wrong and unacceptable. Eeek. So instead of continuing to feel that way, I’m dragging that lie into the light. I wish I could drag it into a less vulnerable feeling light, but this is what God told me to do – maybe even made me to do – so here we are.
I mentioned that I lived my life focused on other people and situations and now I’m trying to live it focused on God and me. I don’t say that to give the impression that I’ve been this selfless, thoughtful do-gooder. Sometimes I have, but I’ve also been manipulative; unable to see my motivations, emotions, and actions clearly; and a downright busy body. And that’s life. Or at least it’s mine. If you’re looking for a perfect blog written by a perfect person who will sell you perfect products, this ain’t the one for you. I can’t promise that every post will have a well packaged moral lesson. I can’t even guarantee that the plot will be linear because self-diagnosed ADHD is real. What I can say is that I’m going to allow the process to continue processing me and I aim to say something about it here. That’s it, that’s all.
With Flailing and Flourish,
Kimani Sioux
“I just read this piece “the realities of adulting,” wow – it really hit me. The way you write about that push and pull between struggling and actually growing feels so real and honest. I could feel the hope and hear you’re natural . Thank you for sharing something so genuine – it’s exactly what this world needs more people speaking, honestly about life! Can’t wait for the next one
I’m so glad it resonated and came off authentic to you. Thank you for reading. 🥰
Wow. Im crying reading this! I feel so seen. I also have self diagnosed adhd.
Aww, girl we are all in this together. Thank you so much for reading. 🥹
The honesty in this is refreshing and makes the reader feel safe to continue reading. Always loved that about you! I’m excited about this blog!
Thank you Zai 🥰 You, my brave author friend, definitely inspire me to tell my story.
Love all of this so very much
Thank you Mel! That means so much coming from you 🫶🏾
The ADHD is so real 😂❤️🙋🏽♀️this was a great read!
Too real, girl. 🤣 Thank you so much for reading, Tierra. 😊
It’s the … “don’t expect perfect from this” while I’m thinking, “what a perfect post.” I love you, Kimani, and I can relate to your self-care and self-focus season. Onward and upward. Always. xoxo
Love you too Vik! Thank you so much for always supporting me the way you do. 🥰
I understand about always being busy and not simply able to catch a break because we think busy is always good.
Yes!!! We gotta break free from that lie together, Taylor. Thank you so much for reading 🥰
I’m tuning in for the next post! Your writing voice feels effortless and makes for an easy read.
This was really good, really good Kimani!
Thank you so much for reading, Jocelyn. I am so glad you enjoyed it. 🤗
Thank you for your transparency. The ADHD is real. 💕
Thank you so much for reading and relating, Yadira 🫶🏾
Granddaughter, you are, always have been, and always will be, a wonderful writer (There’s no need to remind you from whom you get this trait). What I really enjoy about your blog is how genuine and down-to-earth you are, proving that you don’t have to be a high-faluting phoney to make people want to read about you and to be entertained while doing so. You are you, and THAT is more than enough. 🥰
😭 Thank you Omaa – for both the kind words and the gifted writing genetics.